Of Boys and Girls

In the last month Adam and I have been pondering the raising of boys vs. girls and how the differences between Fulton and Therese are starting to come out.

Talking to my friend Misty at one of our playdates in Brenham, she bought up the point about how when you have two kids, there’s an essential sameness for a few years. They play with the same toys and like the same colors/cups/toys, or if one does something, the other wants to do it too. When relatives come visit, they bring a gift for each kid even if it’s only one child’s birthday. If we get something for one child one day at the store, we try to get something for the others. As parents we’ve tried to treat everyone equally and fairly. Just yesterday, Adam called because he was going to by a glove and baseball for Fulton and he was wondering if he should get something for Therese. I said no. With more children in the mix, that will be impossible. I’ve tried to get some “gender neutral” toys that both the girls and Fulton could play with because seriously, can you imagine how many toys you’d have if every toy was gender specific! But in the last year or so, we’ve really been making an effort to let our boy be a boy and our girl be a girl. Although Therese still wants to play with some of his toys, he’s been a little less interestd in the dolls.

Last month I picked up the book “Bringing Up Boys,” by Dr. James Dobson. I’m a couple of chapters shy of finishing the book. Overall I enjoyed the read and was a little enlightened but not surprised with some of the statistics. I appreciated his Christian perspective on raising virtuous boys to become men (expect his misguided opinion on how boys should “relieve” their hormones during puberty).

I’m walking away with a few important things that have changed how we approach our quickly growing boy.

1. I need to remember that boys are just different. That can be frustrating to me sometime (since I’m a girl) with my little guy. They are simply hardwired different and thanks be to God. I’m trying to be more understanding of that. Remember that I never grew up with my brother. He was 8 years older than me and I don’t remember a lot of when I was that young.
2. Boys need to bond with their Dad and do “boy” stuff. Fulton is going through a stage where he’s been REALLY clingy with me and has been acting out. It could be because the baby or because of the result of being a “middle child”. Don’t get me wrong, I love giving him hugs and him wanting to be with me, but I want him to have that same affection for his dad. When I told Adam I wanted him to spend more time with Fulton each day, it didn’t take a lot of convincing for him to really put an effort into that. A few weeks ago, Adam took Fulton outside in the morning to play catch with a real baseball and Fulton just couldn’t wait to tell his Grandma Lozano when he spoke to her on the phone that day. Yesterday Adam and Fulton ran some errands together and Fulton got a baseball glove and ball. He was SO excited and couldn’t wait to get home today after mass and play catch with dad! This extra attention has really helped Fulton.
3. There needs to be a distinction between boy stuff and girl stuff. The radical feminist would hate this part. Boys and girls are made different and that difference gives them gifts in different things. And there are some things that are just for boys and some things that are just for girls. One day I was painting my nails (yeah, can you believe that?) and Therese wanted me to paint her nails too. Well, I conceded only because nail painting is something I do maybe twice a year. Fulton saw this and wanted his nails painted. “Uh, no. Nail painting is girl thing not a boy thing, Fulton.” Therese has been making her own observations and often chimes in, “Fulton, —– is for girls, not for boys.” Likewise, Therese has been asking her own questions. The other day she asked, “Mom, why don’t girls work on the roof?” (We’re getting our roof redone.) My response was, “Well, Therese, God made boys different from girls. The way He made boys, they are generally stronger than girls. So because doing roof work and building stuff means you have to be really strong, most of the people who do that work are men.” There has been a healthy sparing between the two of what’s a girl thing and what’s a boy thing to do.
4. Our men need to be affirmed so that our boys will grow into the men that God created them to be. This should be a no brainer but unfortunately our culture has taken to men bashing. Although some things may seem funny at first, they have devasted the culture of men and confused many as to what their role is and how they should behave. I nearly boycotted the Curious George movie that came out a few years ago because I was infuriated with how the father-son relationship was portrayed. We also don’t own any Disney movies because I can’t think of one that shows a strong father or male figure–or even a solid husband/wife relationship. We need to be careful of our words and actions to the men that mean so much to us. We need to monitor how our little guys see men in movies/television…little ears are listening and little eyes are watching.

Men and women are equality in dignity but not the same. I pray that we have the grace and wisdom to raise our son or sons to be men of holiness and virtue.