The Heirarchy of Domestic Reconciliation
In our home, sinners as we are, there are multiple times a day that someone is asking for forgiveness. Our “rule” is if you have wronged someone, you MUST go to them and say, “I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?” These are six very powerful words that not enough people use in this world. I certainly didn’t grow up saying the second half, “Will you forgive me?” And it was one of the most amazing aspects of my dating relationship with Adam that then made going to Sacramental Reconciliation so much easier. And it’s not just asking for forgiveness but being the person who has been hurt, giving forgiveness to another. What grace and growth there can be in any relationship by saying, “I forgive you!”
So it has been especially interesting to me how our children approach apologies and forgiveness. I have observed two key things. First, when they have been put in time out, and they are ready to come out, the offender will come up to me and say, “Mommy, I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?” Often times I’m not the person who was hurt directly. Yes, I dish out the discipline and they know they’ve upset me. And that’s probably why the kids apologize to me first. At one point I said to them, “I’m not the one you (insert offense here). Go apologize to your brother/sister…” Recently, I realized that even when the children hurt each other, they hurt me. It obviously upsets me that they behave as such. And I certainly hurt emotionally when one of the children is hurt physically or emotionally. You can probably see where I’m going with this. Our little domestic church is an image of the larger Church. When we sin, where should we go to ask for forgiveness–our Heavenly Father in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Certainly when we hurt another member of the Mystical Body of Christ, we hurt Christ himself. Besides the penance we receive in confession, we should also seek the forgiveness of those we hurt to the best of our ability within the scope of our sin.
The second thing I’ve observed is that once someone has been forgiven, it’s over. There are no grudges and forgiveness is instantaneous. The kids don’t wait any amount of time to begin loving on us or each other. Play resumes as usual and all is forgotten.
Although as parents, we are supposed to mirror God to our children, it often times seems they are the ones who mirror God’s love, mercy and forgiveness to us.